Change Is Coming
by Nadja Lee
Summary: After his return from his mingling with Apocalypse Scott realises that no one can come that close to darkness and remain pure…


Change Is Coming                                                          By Nadja Lee       06/06/01

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set in the X-men comic universe.  Some months after the turn I think may come in "New X-men", or just some months after "New X-men 114-115". 

Pairing: Scott/Jean, Jean/Logan, slight Scott/Ororo

Summary: None can come that close to darkness and remain pure…

Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@hotmail.com 

Rating: PG-13

Series/sequel: Maybe *G*

With thanks to Misty for keeping me writing with her gentle words and kind encouragement.  

Thanks to Redd for the Beta, comments and great help. Thanks!

Part 1:

" Someone is coming," Ororo said as she went into the kitchen. Jean, Logan and Hank looked up from their breakfast as she entered.

" Who is it?" Hank asked. It had been three months now, three months since Scott had left, three months since Logan and Jean for just one night had let their passion run free…and found that wanting isn't the same as having. At first they had all thought that Scott would return soon but he hadn't. Jean had called his father, his grandparents, Nathan…… anyone and everyone she could think of in hopes of finding him and trying to explain but none knew where he was. 

" I do not know but I shall go meet him," Ororo answered and they all stood up and went to the front door. A motorcycle came into view and grew larger with each passing second. 

" Sounds like a Harley," Logan remarked. " Might be the Cajun."

" No, there's something about him…" Jean began and instantly moved away from Logan as she saw how close they stood. The action wasn't missed on any of them nor the guilty look in Jean's green eyes. The rider of the bike was dressed in blue cowboy pants and a leather jacket. He wore black sunglasses with red lenses. His hair was long and brown. He stopped in front of them and got off his bike.

"……… Scott?!" Jean asked hesitantly. This couldn't be him.

" She remembers my name. I'm honoured," came the dry reply from the man. His lips moved from an almost lazy uncaringness to a smile as he saw Ororo and how his appearance had made her face lit up.

" Scott, my friend. It is so good to see you again," Ororo said warmly and hugged him close. 

" You too, Beauty, you too," Scott said warmly and hugged her back.

" Scott? What…what have you done to yourself?" Jean asked shocked as Ororo and Scott drove apart. Scott shook Hank's hand and accepted his hug but ignored Logan as Logan made no attempt at offering his hand or do anything but give him a small nod of his head.

" I thought it time to a new style. Like it, love?" Somehow Scott succeeded in making the last word sound like an insult and not a careness.

" Well……….." Jean seemed at a loss for words.

" Let's go inside, my friends," Ororo said and they all went inside. 

" It is a rather…striking change," Hank remarked.

" Being dead can do that to a guy. Besides why shouldn't I be allowed to change? I change………as does everything else," the last was said with a red glance at Jean and her cheeks coloured.

" Scott, can't we please talk? You took off before I had time to explain," Jean asked softly.

" What is there to say? I have eyes. Seeing you with Logan naked in the covers kind of speaks for itself, don't you think?" The words were gently spoken but held more steel than if he had shouted. 

" Now, bub,…….." Logan began but Scott cut him off.

" You stay out of this! You're done more than enough!" Scott hadn't raised his voice but the warning was clear. " I have enough of this "Melrose Place" game. I'm going to my room," with that Scott turned around and walked upstairs. 

Part 2:

" Scott?" Jean asked softly as she entered the room he had chosen. It was some five doors away from the room she and him had used to share.

" What do you want?" Scott asked as he emerged from the bathroom connected to his new room, wearing only a towel. He tried to ignore how wonderful she looked, how his heart ached for her, how much he wanted to hold her. Familiar feelings of love surfaced in his heart and mind only to be replaced with a sadness and bitterness he feared would strangle him from within. Images of Jean in his arms became replaced with images of Jean in Logan's bed. She had betrayed him! She had taken a vow and she had broken it. Yet………hadn't Alex accused him of betraying his own vow to Madelyne? Wasn't he as guilty with his inability to confine in her after his ordeal? Had he pushed her into Logan's arms with his distance because he feared having her too near? Feared that she'll find what he carried inside?

Jean tried to ignore how undressed Scott was; his long hair was wet and he still wore the dark glasses with red lenses. He had gotten a tan while he was away and looked disturbingly good.

" I just thought……….that we should talk about that night," Jean got out, her mouth suddenly dry. She wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked?

" It's softer," Scott remarked and Jean blushed. He must have caught her stare. He advanced on her.  " What do you want, Jean? Is this what you want?" his voice was soft as he bent down and claimed her lips with his. She put her arms around him and drew him close. This felt so right.

" No," Scott moved away from her. It was no good. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her in Logan's arms. She looked puzzled at him. " You made your bed, now you must lie in it," his voice was suddenly cold as ice.

" Scott, it was all a mistake. I…" Jean began and reached for him but he moved away from her.

" Really? From where I stood you seemed to enjoy it," Scott commented dryly. He turned his back on her and totally ignoring her, he dropped the towel and put on his pants before turning back to her but not before she had gotten a view of one very fine…behind. Jean's cheeks redden. He was doing it on propose just as his bare chest was making her pulse race.

" Scott……….everything was so confusing back then. I had just lost you then found you only to lose you again. You seemed to close yourself off, I couldn't reach you………I'm just human, Scott. I make mistakes too," Jean said softly and laid her hand on his arm. He looked at her hand and closed his own over it.

" It is human to fail and divine to forgive?" Scott asked softly. Jean smiled. He had forgiven her. He removed her hand and stood away from her. Jean looked questionably at him.

" Wha………"

" Sorry, 'love' but I'm not a God. I can't forget and I wouldn't forgive," his voice sounded very sad for a moment. What was happening to them? To her? To Scott? She had felt alone……….it had all been a mistake. Should one night ruin all they had had? Had she ruined everything? Had he? Why were things suddenly so damn confusing and tense between them? She tried to find the answers in his eyes but as always she couldn't see them. If she could what would she see? Hate? Contempt? Sadness? Pity? Regret? Love?? Why wouldn't he talk about this? Surely they could make it work. It wasn't like him, to act like this. He had changed since she had separated him from Apocalypse. More now than ever. But then…so had she. Before she had lost Scott she'll never have done what she did. She'll never have betrayed him. Why had she done it? Was it her? Was she afraid to connect again? Was she afraid to love Scott again in fear of losing him? Jean began to cry but he didn't move towards her to comfort her. Maybe he couldn't. Maybe he wouldn't. Maybe she didn't want him to.

" I don't know you anymore," she sniffed. I don't know myself anymore. I don't know us anymore, she thought sadly.

" I wonder if you ever did?" Scott asked. More tears came to her eyes as Jean ran from Scott's room.

Part 3:

" May I join you, friend?" Ororo asked as she seated herself next to Scott on the mansion roof.

" Sure," Scott answered and they sat in silence for a while.

" I respect and understand your need to change, to………'walk the wild side', I have been there but I have also lived to regret it," Ororo said softly.

" I'm not you," Scott answered just as softly and looked at the stars blinking down to them this night.

" Do you still love Jean?" Ororo then asked. Scott looked at her.

" Jean? You think this is about Jean? It was never about Jean!"

" Then what was it about?" Ororo asked softly. Scott seemed to draw back for a moment, considering what to say.

" When I came back………I thought everything could go back to how it used to be. How I used to be," he finally said. " But it can't for I'm not who I used to be. For a time Apocalypse and I were as one; I WAS Apocalypse. His spirit may be dead but in me I carry all his memories. I have memories of Ancient Egypt, of murdering, of killing, of battles……of poisoning my own son" his voice died out.

" That's terrible," Ororo said sympathetically and her hand found his. Had he lived with all that pain inside him…….all that guilt for so many months? Alone? Her heart filled with love and sadness. Scott and her had a ability to always built walls around themselves, it protected them but also always left them alone. She should have sensed his distress, someone should. She had seen him change yet hadn't said anything. She hadn't even considered what the experience with Apocalypse might have done to his mind. Or had she? Maybe she had known all alone, or at least feared this all along but just didn't want to admit it.

" No, do you know what's terrible? That the best memory………MY best memory is now of a battle won over 2000 years ago. Not my wedding with Jean, not Nathan's birth, not even seeing my father or Alex again…" He paused and silence fell between them.

" My friend, I…" Ororo began compassionately and she wanted to say something, anything to try and ease his suffering, to stop the pain she felt in his voice. But before she got another word out Scott spoke again, his words low and soft;

"And you know what else?" before she could answer he continued; " The worst part is……….that those memories, those killings……….they are good memories," Scott said softly and a tear ran down his face.

" Oh, my friend. You should have told me…I…my dear friend," Ororo mumbled and tears came to her eyes as she took Scott into her embrace and he hugged her close, hiding his tears from view. They sat like that for a long time, until the sun rose and the stars disappeared.

The End       


End file.
